M'mbuyomu, maubwenzi adalowetsedwa moyo wonse, womwe umayenera kupitilirabe zivute zitani. Nthawi zambiri okwatirana samadziwana ngakhale pang'ono kapena asanakwatirane. Lero tikuwona zina zopitilira muyeso: anthu ambiri amangokhalira kuswa chibwenzi chawo kusiyana ndi kupanga zovuta zina kuti asunge chibwenzicho.
Chisangalalo ndi vuto la maubale likupitilizabe kukopa munthu aliyense, kuphatikiza akatswiri ambiri amisala ndi othandizira maubale. Komabe, iwo omwe amvetsetsa za malamulo asanu ndi awiri auzimu amgwirizano atha kudzipulumutsa okha pamavuto ambiri.
Malamulo asanu ndi awiriwa ndi kutenga nawo mbali, dera, kukula, kulumikizana, kuwonetsa magalasi, udindo, ndi kukhululuka. Ferrini akufotokoza momveka bwino komanso motsimikiza momwe malamulowa amakhudzira ubale wathu.
Zigawo zitatu za bukuli ndi zongokhala nokha, kukhala ndiubwenzi, ndikusintha kapena (mwachikondi) kutseka kulumikizana komwe kulipo. Anthu omwe ali ofunitsitsa kutenga nawo mbali pazachiritso zawo ndikukhululuka adzakopeka ndi njira ya Ferrini yokhudza ubale.
Malamulo 7 auzimu a maubale
1. Lamulo Lophatikizira
Ubwenzi wauzimu umafunikira kutengapo mbali
Mukayamba kupanga mapangano muchibwenzi chanu, lamulo loyamba ndi ili: khalani oona mtima. Osamachita mosiyana ndi momwe mulili. Osapanga mapangano omwe simungatsatire, kuti musangalatse mnzake. Ngati mukuchita zowona panthawiyi, mupulumutsa mavuto ambiri mtsogolo. Chifukwa chake musalonjeze chilichonse chomwe simungapereke. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mnzanu akufuna kuti mukhale wokhulupirika ndipo mukudziwa kuti nkovuta kudzipereka kwa winawake, musalonjeze kuti musintha. Nena: Pepani; Sindingakulonjezeni kuti.
Pofuna kuti pakhale chilungamo komanso kulingalira bwino muubwenzi, malonjezo omwe mumapangana wina ndi mnzake ayenera kukhala ogwirizana osati ochokera mbali imodzi. Ndi lamulo lauzimu kuti sungapeze zomwe sungadzipereke wekha. Chifukwa chake musayembekezere malonjezo kuchokera kwa mnzanu omwe simukufuna kudzipanga nokha.
Tiyenera kusunga malonjezo athu momwe tingathere popanda kudzipereka tokha. Kupatula apo, ilinso lamulo lauzimu kuti sungatengere wina aliyense ndikukuchitira chilungamo ngati ungadziulule.
Lamulo lakutengapo gawo ndilodzaza ndi zodzidzimutsa komanso zodzidzimutsa. Ngati simukufuna kukwaniritsa lonjezo lanu, ndiye kuti simunalonjeze. Koma ngati musunga lonjezo lanu chifukwa chodziona kuti ndinu olakwa kapena chifukwa chogwira ntchito, chizindikirocho chimasiya kutanthauzira. Kupanga lonjezo ndichizindikiro chodzifunira. Ngati singathenso kusankha, itaya tanthauzo. Nthawi zonse muzimumasula mnzanuyo kuti akhale omasuka pakupanga malonjezo ake, kuti azitha kukhalabe ndi inu pakadali pano komanso mtsogolo. Ndi lamulo la uzimu kuti mutha kukhala ndi zomwe mungayerekeze kusiya. Mukamapereka kwambiri mphatsoyo, imenenso imatha kukupatsani.
2. Lamulo la Mgonero
Ubwenzi wauzimu umafunikira kulumikizana
Ndizovuta kukhala paubwenzi ndi munthu yemwe sangayanjane ndi masomphenya anu pamaubwenzi, zikhulupiliro ndi zikhalidwe, moyo wanu, zokonda zanu, ndi njira yanu yochitira zinthu. Musanaganize zopanga chibwenzi chachikulu ndi munthu wina, ndikofunikira kudziwa kuti mumasangalala kukhala limodzi, kulemekezana, komanso kukhala ndi china chake chofanana m'malo osiyanasiyana.
Gawo lachikondi likamadzafika pachimake, mgawoli, timakumana ndi zovuta zovomereza mnzathu momwe iye alili. Sitingasinthe iye kuti agwirizane ndi chithunzi chomwe tili nacho cha mnzathu. Dzifunseni nokha ngati mungalandire wokondedwa wanu momwe aliri tsopano. Palibe bwenzi langwiro. Palibe bwenzi langwiro. Palibe mnzanu amene amakwaniritsa zonse zomwe timayembekezera komanso maloto athu.
Gawo lachiwirili la ubale ndilokuvomerezana mphamvu ndi zofooka za wina ndi mnzake, mdima, ndikuwunika, chiyembekezo, ndikuyembekezera nkhawa. Ngati mwakhazikitsa cholinga chokhala ndi ubale wokhalitsa, wolimbikitsana mwauzimu, muyenera kuwonetsetsa kuti inu ndi mnzanu muli ndi lingaliro lofanana la ubalewo ndipo mukugwirizana pazikhalidwe ndi zikhulupiliro zanu, gawo lanu lachisangalalo, ndi gawo lodzipereka limodzi .
3. Lamulo la Kukula
Mu ubale wauzimu, onse ayenera kukhala ndi ufulu wokula ndikulankhula zakukhosi kwawo payekha.
Kusiyanasiyana ndikofunikira muubwenzi monga kufanana. Mumakonda anthu omwe amafanana nanu mwachangu kwambiri, koma sizovuta kwenikweni kukonda anthu omwe sagwirizana ndi zomwe mumakhulupirira, zomwe mumakonda, komanso zokonda zanu. Muyenera kukonda mosagwirizana ndi izi. Mgwirizano wauzimu umakhazikika pa chikondi chopanda malire komanso kuvomereza.
Malire ndiofunikira muubwenzi. Mfundo yakuti ndinu okwatirana sizitanthauza kuti mwasiya kukhala panokha. Mutha kuyeza kulimba kwa chibwenzi momwe abwenzi amakhala omasuka kubwera kulumikizana ndi kudzizindikira.
Kukula ndi dera ndizofunikira chimodzimodzi pachibwenzi. Mgwirizanowu umalimbikitsa kukhazikika komanso kumvana. Kukula kumalimbikitsa kuphunzira ndikukulitsa chidziwitso. Pomwe kufunikira kachitetezo (umodzi) kumalamulira kwambiri muubwenzi, pamakhala chiopsezo chakuchepa kwamaganizidwe ndikukhumudwitsidwa kwachilengedwe.
Ngati pakufunika kukula, pamakhala chiopsezo cha kusakhazikika kwamalingaliro, kutaya kulumikizana, komanso kusadzidalira. Pofuna kupewa mavuto awa, inu ndi mnzanu muyenera kuyang'anitsitsa kukula ndi chitetezo cha aliyense wa inu. Inu ndi mnzanu muyenera kudzisankhira nokha momwe mungakhalire pokhudzana pakati pa dera ndi kukula.
Kuyenera pakati pa kukula kwaumwini ndi umodzi kuyenera kuyang'aniridwa mosalekeza.
Kusiyanaku kumasintha pakapita nthawi, chifukwa zosowa za abwenzi ndi zosowa muubwenzi zimasintha. Kulumikizana kwabwino pakati pa othandizana nawo kumatsimikizira kuti palibe m'modzi mwa iwo amene amadzimva kuti waletsa kapena sangathenso kulumikizana.
4. Lamulo Loyankhulana
Mu chiyanjano chauzimu, kulumikizana pafupipafupi, moona mtima, kosatsutsa ndichofunikira.
Chofunikira pakulankhulana ndikumvetsera. Tiyenera kumvera kaye malingaliro athu ndi momwe timamvera ndikukhala ndi udindo wathu tisanadziwitse ena. Ndiye, ngati tafotokoza zakukhosi kwathu popanda kuimba mlandu ena, tiyenera kumvera zomwe ena akunena zakukhosi kwawo.
Pali njira ziwiri zomvera. Wina akuyang'ana ndi chiweruzo; winayo akumvetsera popanda chiweruzo. Ngati timvera ndi chiweruzo, sitimvera. Zilibe kanthu ngati timvera wina kapena tokha. Pazochitika zonsezi, chigamulochi chimatilepheretsa kuti timve zomwe tikuganiza kapena kumva.
Kuyankhulana kulipo kapena kulibe. Kulankhulana kwa Frank kumafunikira kuwona mtima kwa wolankhulayo ndikuvomereza kwa omvera. Ngati wolankhulayo akuimba mlandu ndipo womvera ali ndi ziweruzo, ndiye kuti palibe kulumikizana, ndiye kuti pali kuukira.
Kuti mumalankhulane bwino, muyenera kuchita izi:
- Mverani malingaliro anu ndi malingaliro anu mpaka mutadziwa zomwe ali ndikuwona kuti ndi zanu osati za wina aliyense.
- Fotokozerani ena moona mtima zomwe mukuganiza komanso momwe mumamvera, osawadzudzula kapena kuwayimba mlandu pazomwe mumakhulupirira kapena momwe mukuganizira.
- Mverani mosaweruza malingaliro ndi malingaliro omwe ena akufuna kugawana nanu. Kumbukirani kuti chilichonse chomwe akunena, kuganiza, ndikumverera ndikulongosola kwamalingaliro awo. Izi zitha kukhala ndi chochita ndi malingaliro anu, koma mwina ayi.
Mukawona kuti mukufuna kukonza winayo kapena kudzitchinjiriza pomwe malingaliro ndi malingaliro awo akufotokozerani, mwina simungamvetsere, ndipo mutha kugundidwa m'malo ovuta. Mwina mwina akuwonetsa gawo lanu lomwe simukufuna kuwona (pano).
Pali lamulo limodzi lomwe muyenera kutsatira kuti muwonjezere mwayi wolumikizana bwino: osayesa kuyankhula ndi wokondedwa wanu ngati mwakhumudwa kapena mwakwiya. Funsani kanthawi kochepa. Ndikofunikira kuti pakhale pakamwa pako mpaka utha kupereka chilichonse chomwe ukuganiza ndi kumva ndikudziwa kuti ndi chako.
Ngati simukuchita izi, ndiye kuti mwayi wake ndikuti mudzudzule mnzanu pazinthu, ndipo cholakwacho chimapangitsa kusamvana ndikumverera kwa mtunda pakati pa nonse awiri. Ngati mwakhumudwa, musakalipe mnzanu. Tengani udindo pazomwe mukuganiza komanso momwe mukumvera.
Kulankhulana bwino kumathandiza inu ndi mnzanu kuti muzikhala ogwirizana.
5. Lamulo la Mirroring
Zomwe sitimakonda za wokondedwa wathu ndizowonetsa zomwe sitimakonda komanso zomwe sitimakonda za ifeeni
Ngati muyesa kuthawa nokha, ubale ndi malo omaliza omwe muyenera kubisala. Cholinga cha ubale wapamtima ndikuti mumaphunzira kuthana ndi mantha anu, ziweruzo, kukayika, komanso kusatsimikizika. Ngati mnzathu atulutsa mantha ndi kukayika mwa ife, ndipo izi zimachitika muubwenzi uliwonse wapamtima, sitikufuna kukumana nawo mwachindunji.
Mutha kuchita zinthu ziwiri, kapena mutha kuyang'ana kwambiri pazomwe mnzanuyo adachita kapena kunena, ndikuganiza kuti zinali zolakwika ndikuyesera kuti mnzathuyo asachitenso izi, kapena mutha kutenga nawo mbali pazomwe mukuopa komanso okayikira. Pachiyambi, timakana kuthana ndi zowawa / mantha / kukayikira kwathu popangitsa wina kukhala ndi vuto.
Pachifukwa chachiwiri, timalola ululu / mantha / kukaikira kubwera m'malingaliro athu; timavomereza ndikumulola mnzathu kudziwa zomwe zikuchitika mwa ife. Chofunikira kwambiri pakusinthana sikuti mukuti, Mudandichitira zoyipa, koma Zomwe mudanena / zidandibweretsera mantha / kuwawa / kukayika.
Funso lomwe ndiyenera kufunsa silakuti, Ndani adandimenya? Koma ndichifukwa chiyani ndimamvako? Muli ndi udindo wochiritsa ululu / kukayika / mantha, ngakhale wina atang'amba bala. Nthawi zonse mnzathu akatulutsa china chake mwa ife, timakhala ndi mwayi wowona m'mabodza athu (zikhulupiriro zathu za ife eni ndi ena zomwe sizowona) ndikuwalola kuti agwe kamodzi.
Ndi lamulo lauzimu kuti chilichonse chomwe chimativutitsa ife ndi ena chimatiwonetsa gawo lathu lomwe lomwe sitikufuna kukonda ndikuvomereza. Mnzanuyo ndi galasi lomwe limakuthandizani kuyimirira maso ndi maso. Chilichonse chomwe chimativuta kuvomereza za ife tokha chikuwonetsedwa mwa mnzathu. Mwachitsanzo, ngati tiona mnzathu ali wodzikonda, mwina ndi chifukwa chodzikonda. Kapenanso mwina mnzathuyo amadziyimira pawokha ndipo ndichinthu chomwe sitingathe kapena sitingadziwike.
Ngati tidziwa za kulimbana kwathu mkati mwathu ndipo titha kudziletsa kuti tisadziwe za mavuto athu kwa mnzathu, mnzathu amakhala mphunzitsi wathu wofunikira kwambiri. Pomwe kuphunzira kopitilira muyeso muubwenzi ndiwothandizana, mgwirizano umasandulika kukhala njira yauzimu yodzidziwitsa ndikukwaniritsidwa.
6. Lamulo la Udindo
Mchibwenzi chauzimu, onse awiri amatengapo gawo pamaganizidwe awo, momwe akumvera, komanso chidziwitso.
Mwina ndizodabwitsa kuti ubale, womwe umalimbikitsidwa kukhala pagulu komanso mgwirizano, umasowa china chilichonse koma kudzisankhira tokha. Chilichonse chomwe timaganiza, kumva, ndi zokumana nazo ndi zathu. Chilichonse chomwe mnzathu akuganiza chimamverera ndi zokumana nazo ndi zake. Kukongola kwa lamulo ili lachisanu ndi chimodzi lauzimu kwataika kwa iwo amene akufuna kupanga wokondedwa wawo kukhala ndi chisangalalo kapena mavuto.
Kupewa kuwonetseredwa ndi chimodzi mwazovuta zazikulu m'banja. Ngati mungavomereze zomwe zili zanu - malingaliro anu, malingaliro anu, ndi zochita zanu - ndipo mutha kusiya za iye - malingaliro ake, malingaliro ake, ndi zochita zake - mumapanga malire pakati panu ndi mnzanu. Chovuta ndikuti mumanena moona mtima zomwe mukumva kapena kuganiza (mwachitsanzo, ndili wachisoni) osayesa kumuwuza mnzanuyo chifukwa cha izi (mwachitsanzo: Ndikumva chisoni chifukwa simunabwere kunyumba nthawi yake).
Ngati tikufuna kutenga nawo mbali pakukhalapo kwathu, tiyenera kuvomereza momwe ziliri. Tiyenera kusiya kutanthauzira ndi ziweruzo zathu, kapena kuzizindikira. Sitiyenera kupanga anzathu kukhala ndiudindo pazomwe timaganiza kapena momwe timamvera. Tikazindikira kuti tili ndi udindo pazomwe zimachitika, nthawi zonse timakhala ndi ufulu wopanga chisankho chosiyana.
7. Lamulo la Kukhululuka
Mu ubale wauzimu, kukhululukirana kosalekeza kwa inu nokha ndi mnzanu ndi gawo limodzi la zochita za tsiku ndi tsiku.
Tikamayesetsa kupanga malamulo auzimu omwe takambirana pamaganizidwe athu ndi maubale, sitiyenera kuiwala kuti sitikukwaniritsa zomwe zingachitike. Kupatula apo, palibe ungwiro pamlingo wamunthu. Ngakhale okwatirana akhale oyenerana bwanji, ngakhale atakondana chotani, palibe ubale womwe umatha popanda kuponderezana komanso kulimbana.
Kupempha chikhululukiro sikutanthauza kuti mupita kwa winayo ndikunena, Pepani. Zikutanthauza kuti mupite kwa munthuyo ndi kukanena kuti: ‘Umu ndi mmene ziriri kwa ine. Ndikukhulupirira mutha kulandira izi ndikuchita nawo. Ndikuchita zonse zomwe ndingathe '. Zimatanthauza kuti mumaphunzira kuvomereza momwe zinthu zilili, ngakhale zitakhala zovuta, ndipo mulole mnzanu kuti atenge.
Ngati mutha kuvomereza zomwe mukumva kapena kuganiza pomwe mukufuna kuweruza, ndikudzikhululukira. Kulandira malingaliro ndi malingaliro a mnzanu, pomwe mukufuna kulamulira kapena kupeza china chake cholakwika, ndikokuwonjezera kukhululuka kwake kwa iye. Mwanjira imeneyi, mumadziwitsa mnzanu kuti: ‘Ndimadzikhululukira ndikakutsutsa. Ndikufuna kukulandirani monga momwe muliri. '
Tizindikira kuti nthawi zonse timakhala ndi munthu m'modzi wokhululuka munthawi iliyonse, tokha, pamapeto pake timawona kuti tapatsidwa makiyi aufumu. Mwa kudzikhululukira tokha pazomwe timaganizira za ena, timayamba kukhala omasuka kuchitapo kanthu mosiyana ndi pano.
Simungapeze chikhululukiro bola mutangodziimba mlandu nokha. Muyenera kupeza njira yochokera pazolakwa ndikuyamba ndiudindo.
Kukhululuka kulibe tanthauzo lililonse ngati sukudziwa zomwe umakhudzidwa nazo ndipo sukufuna kuchitapo kanthu pakukonza. Ululu umakutcha kuti ukhale maso. Zimakulimbikitsani kuti mukhale ozindikira komanso odalirika.
Anthu ambiri amaganiza kuti kukhululuka ndi ntchito yayikulu. Amaganiza kuti muyenera kusintha nokha kapena kufunsa mnzanu kuti asinthe. Ngakhale pali kusintha chifukwa chokhululuka, simungathe kufunsa kusintha.
Kukhululuka sikutanthauza kusintha kwakunja monganso kusintha kwamkati. Ngati simukuyimbanso mlandu wokondedwa wanu ndikukhala ndi udindo pakumva chisoni ndi kusakondwa kwanu, njira yokhululukirana yayamba kale. Kukhululuka sikutanthauza kuchita chinthu china koma kungochotsa china chake. Zimatithandizira kuthetsa kudzimvera chisoni ndikudziimba mlandu.
Njira yokhayo yokhululukirana ndiyo yomwe imalola kuti tisunge mgwirizanowu pomwe tikukumana ndi zovuta komanso zosatsimikizika. Kukhululuka kumachotsa chikumbumtima ndi kunyoza ndipo kumatithandiza kuyanjananso m'maganizo ndi wokondedwa wathu ndikukonzanso kudzipereka kwathu kuubwenzi.
Zamkatimu